Turkey Day
by unsatisfiedcustomer
Summary: What happens when Catherine tries to kill a turkey in the presence of Sara? This story. As usual, this is a bunch of nonsense that I enjoy writing. R&R because it makes me smile and wouldn't you love to make a child smile today?


"Nick!" Nick looked at Warrick, a confused expression on his face. Warrick answered Nick's questioning face. "You stole my fur coat!" They were both on edge because of what had happened at Greg's house earlier.

Nick replied, "It was cold and I only borrowed it!"

"Listen, Nicky, if we're going to live together, you gotta quit taking my stuff without telling me."

"Fine." Nick paused for a moment, trying to think of something that he could call Warrick out on. "Just out of curiosity, what happened to my Goonies lunchbox? I needed it the other day for my peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

"With the crust cut off." Warrick added. Nick nodded. "I, uh, gave it to Catherine for Lindsey."

"You traded my lunchbox for Lindsey?!"

"No, idiot. I gave Catherine the lunchbox to give to Lindsey."

Nick began to throw a temper tantrum. "It was mine!" He sobbed. Warrick walked over to his friend, sat on the floor next to him, and gave him a hug. He apologized and they both went back to their Thanksgiving dinner.

Meanwhile, back at Sara 'Turkey-napper' Sidle's house, Gilbert sat in the middle of her kitchen floor,. He stared at it and thought about how clean it was compared to his own kitchen floor. He listened to Sara in the other room, crying because Greg had hit Ben (the turkey) with a tazer. Then, Grissom spotted one of Ben's feathers. Sara had stolen Ben from Greg at his Third Annual Thanksgiving Party. Grissom picked up the feather and stared at it in fascination, thinking about what Sara had done. She saw Catherine was about to kill the turkey, which had been on sale at a special store whose slogan was, as cheesy as it sounds, "Save your money, kill a turkey." Sara ran and shoved Catherine, who had a very large knife in the hand, to the ground, risking her life so that the turkey could live. The knife went into Catherine's arm. Greg chased Sara out of his house, holding a tazer gun in his hand. He was very angry at her for injuring the only woman he'd ever loved. Sara somehow managed to kidnap Grissom and take both him and the turkey back to her house for some tofurkey.

After chasing Sara, Greg took Catherine to the hospital to have someone take the knife out of her arm. However, the idiot at the front desk said that Catherine's case was not a priority and sent her and Greg to the waiting room while more serious cases, like turkey coma and indigestion were dealt with. While waiting for the nurse to call her back, Greg felt Catherine go limp in his arms (he had held her ever since they sat down). He looked down and saw that the person lying motionless in his arms was not Catherine: it was an old woman, bearing a striking resemblance to Hodges. Greg realized that he had fallen asleep and Catherine, who had been delirious on the way to the hospital, was already being taken care of. The old woman in his arms had had a heart attack and died. While Greg took the older, female version of their eccentric and brown-nosing lab tech up to the front desk and showed her to them , Catherine walked out of the examination room and meandered over to a tall man who looked nothing like Greg.

"Excuse me, Miss," she said, slurring her words, "Have you eaten at this restaurant before?" The large man started to back away, his eyes widened at how crazy this short, otherwise normal woman sounded. He then looked down and noticed that she had a knife sticking out of her arm, which was bleeding profusely: the obvious cause of her delirium. Greg saw Catherine talking to the man and quickly ran over to her. He led her back into the exam room from which she had escaped. He then sat down next to her and they both waited for the doctor.

* * *

Warrick was in front of his TV, watching Blue's Clues. Nick was visiting his parents, who were staying in a hotel and hour or so. He'd be back in a few hours, but Warrick missed him a lot. Even though they had their little fights sometimes, they loved each other and that was all that counted. The sound of Steve's voice made Warrick feel safe and comforted him in the absence of his lover. He looked at the picture in his hand. It was his one true love, the woman of his dreams, and the mother of his stuffed cat. Nick's one and only would find him someday. Until then, he'd live with Warrick, who would make sure he didn't kill himself because he was lonely. Wendy, his love, was also visiting her family. She had been gone for a week and during that time, Nick had kept him company. With his friend now gone, Warrick didn't know what to do with himself. He fixed a peanut butter and banana sandwich and watched as Blue, the very smart and tricky dog, left clues for Steve, the "too old to have preschool friends," college-aged man. 'It's so much better with Steve rather than Joe.' Warrick thought.

* * *

Sara untied Grissom from the table leg. She figured that after force-feeding him tofurkey, she owed him an apology.

"I'm sorry, Gilbert. Do you forgive me?" Sara looked leadingly into the older man's eyes.

"NO!! I hate you, Sara Sidle!" Grissom then took a large knife from the butcher's block and stabbed himself in the chest. Sara shrugged and walked off. Grissom pulled the knife out of his chest and left her house.

* * *

Catherine was back to herself, now. They'd had to sedate her in order to get the knife out. She called them turtle goats before she was completely knocked out. Now that she was awake and not delirious anymore, she and Greg were eating turkey sandwiches from Subway (Eat Fresh!). During this whole ordeal, Greg had realized how much he truly loved Catherine and he had to tell her.

"Cath, I love you."

"Greg, I love you, too."

"Wanna make out?"

"No," she replied, not the least bit interested. Greg was heart-broken. He decided that he would somehow force Catherine to dance for him. As soon as they left Subway (Eat Fresh!), he drove straight to his house.

"Greg, why are we at your house?" Catherine asked.

Greg replied, "Being the gentleman that I am, I wanted to make sure you were okay before I left you by yourself." He, of course, was lying. He left her in the living room and ran to his bedroom to get his "Hypnotism for Dummies" book. He grabbed a gold coin that was hanging on a string on his way to the living room and when he arrived there, he waved the coin in Catherine's face.

"Watch the pretty coin of gold. You will do as you are told," He chanted, "You are brave, so take a chance. Get up and……DANCE!!" Catherine stared at him for awhile. Then, Greg stood up and……DANCED!!

"Greg, what are you doing?!" She asked, looking at him like he was a complete idiot. Catherine reasoned that he must have hypnotized himself instead of her. She looked in the book and found the secret word that would get him out of the trance.

"Spoon!" She screamed. Greg stopped dancing and sat down on the couch. His cheeks were redder than Reba McEntire's hair.

* * *

After everything that went down , Grissom decided to get high. He was so happy that Sara hadn't killed that he decided to try to do all the things he'd never done before. Getting high was one of them.

He put his plan into motion and was doing random things when suddenly, there was a knock on his door. He had no idea who it could be, but he wanted whoever it was to know that he was high. For some reason, he took pride in that fact. He opened the door to see none other than Pimp Daddy Hodges (that was what the suck-up lab guy wanted to be called).

"Hi Pimp Daddy Hod- Hod…Hi." He couldn't quite pronounce the word Hodges in his state of highness.

"Grissom?"

"My name ain't Grissom." Hodges raised an eyebrow at this statement.

"Then what the heck is your name?"

"My name are Roy Rogers." Grissom began laughing hysterically. Hodges stared at him blankly.

"Okay, Roy. Are you high?"

"Thank you for noticing, Cowboy." Without warning, Grissom fell to the floor, unconscious. Hodges- excuse me-Pimp Daddy fixed himself a sandwich before dragging Grissom to his car, then driving him to the ER.

* * *

Catherine sat on Greg's couch, watching him do his yoga. She had begged him to take her home, but he insisted that she still needed him to take care of her. So, she was stuck.

"Hum." Greg was in a very awkward position. Both his legs were behind his head. This image caused Catherine to turn her head away. Even in the drugged state she was currently in, she could still grasp the obvious. At that moment, the obvious was that Greg was going to get stuck in the position he was in. She decided that she would take his car, drive home, and return the keys later.

She drove home and returned the keys later. Grissom got un-high and after a few days in rehab convinced the doctors that it was a one time thing. Warrick proposed to Wendy, who said yes. They ran off to Cancun to get married and haven't been seen since. Nick married George, a woman from his meetings (no particular kind of meetings, just meetings) and everyone lived happily ever after, except Greg, who had to go to CA (Coworkerholics Anonymous) Meetings once a week.


End file.
